Good Advice!

Dear Abby:

I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can’t afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?

Sam in Cali

Dear Sam: Yes. Run for public office.

 Dear Abby,

I am very worried about my husband of 3 years.  We will call him Max.  The last three times I have entered the bathroom, I have caught Max masturbating.  The first time was one thing, but three times in the last 2 weeks?  I am very concerned about his actions and need your advice right away.

Perplexed in Pennsylvania

Dear Perplexed,  I have one word of advice: KNOCK